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Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

Aizawl

The grass is really greener on the other side. The other side of a city, of a job, of people, and of a lifestyle. Remember when we were students and were always in need of more money, how we always wanted to do things and go places and meet people? Then we got jobs and even though we could afford to go away once in a while to new places and meet new people, suddenly there was not the time, nor the interest, to do any of these things. Life became a routine of work and sleep and a flurry of housework in the weekends. Well, at least that’s how it was for me.

Living in a different city from my family, I always wished I could be at home, leaving behind the worries of running a household and taking care of myself whenever I fall sick. Then I came home, and I do enjoy the attention and care showered on me, love playing with my nieces and walking the dog in the morning. But I know that  very soon I will long for my freedom and independence, and a quiet house to come home to.

Aizawl is wet, cold, and sometimes hot and humid. In the twelve days since I arrived I haven’t really gone anywhere, except for a shopping trip with my sister and running errands with my brother. All my old friends from my neighbourhood are married and gone, and I’m not really interested to go out and make new friends as of now. Ran into a few old friends from school and college,¬† haven’t attended church yet, and yes I could see the look on your faces and feel the burn of the branding iron which no doubt will mark me as an unbeliever and unsocial person. Let’s just toss that to the wind for now, shall we?

The streets in Aizawl are still as narrow as ever, the traffic still a nightmare. Electricity comes and goes, the Internet is dead slow, vegetables cost a bomb, and cooking gas is scarce. Pretty girls and boys walk around beautifully dressed, and merchants, not customers, still rule the market. (I met a merchant who told us to get lost, after a spot of bargaining, and the look on her face was priceless when her business partner sold us the item at our price). The local TV channels broadcast Hindi, English and Korean movies and serials dubbed in Mizo. I stopped reading the news, rarely watched TV, and my phone is gathering dust.

Sometimes I would catch myself checking the time and thinking “If I was still working I would be having my lunch now/waiting for the bus/people would be slowly arriving” etc etc. Or “If it was a month ago this would be my free time in the evening and I would probably be at home watching a movie on the computer”. Then I’d discard these thoughts and crawl back into my cocoon.

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The Final Countdown

It’s Friday night, and Day Four of my employment countdown has just ended today. I will be employed for 3 more days and at the end of Day Zero will be officially jobless. A thousand thoughts are running through my head right now. You cannot work at a place for 5 years and leave without a care. Something has to strike somewhere. Good and bad feelings. Nostalgia, relief, sense of loss, disorientation, fear, excitement, anticipation, energy. It’s like all these emotions are poured into my head all at once, each one fighting to be the winner. I don’t know what the future holds, where I will be a year from now. But it is with an open mind that I must step off this comfortable place and dive into the void. Who knows what I will find there.

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